My beautiful napping baby

It's a first. He is napping, and power napping at that. He has been asleep for over 3 hours, I was going to wake him at the 2 hour mark, but then I remembered. . ."NEVER wake a sleeping baby." However, I will wake him after 4 hours, I want him to eat and be able to sleep tonight.
I should probably be sleeping as well. But instead I cleaned, folded laundry, and checked e-mail. I am tired, but are very loud dishwasher is running and I am scared I won't hear him if he wakes. (which is impossible, if you know my son, but still)
We had another doctors appt. the other day, he is now at 9 lbs, 10 oz. Such a big boy! Sleeping at night is getting better, and some days it seems like we are in a better routine, others not so much. It gets hard on the days that my husband works 2 jobs and leaves before he is up and doesn't come home until the whole family is sleeping. Those are long days. I usually try to take Jax somewhere and go visit to break it up. It really makes me respect single mothers on those days that don't have any help, because I feel like a single mother on those days. The days that you don't get out and it's just you and the baby are very long days. Even more so when the baby doesn't sleep. There is only so much you can do with a one month old who isn't sleeping. It's not like he can play, although I try. We go from playmat to pack n play to swing to bouncer. I sing and rock him, read books to him that he has no interest in, walk him around the house and porch, and then start all over again.
It's amazing what having a child can do to your emotions as well. I've never been much of a cryer. I've had my breakdowns, but I usually hardly ever cried. Now, I can just look at my son and cry. I think of the future or the past, and cry. And not for any reason other then I love him so much.

Can't Sleep

It sucks when your baby is sleeping good and you can't sleep. My mind is just racing tonight, and then I make it worse by reminding myself if I don't get to sleep soon, how rough of a day I am going to have. Oh, well, nothing I can do about it now.

Not sure how much longer I am going to keep blogging, I'm obviously having a tough time keeping up as is. And I'm not sure what to write about or what importance it has anymore.

Jaxson is doing well, and it seems like everyone is finally adjusting. I have to say while breastfeeding is sometimes hard and makes me feel like I am tied down, I really enjoy that time I have with my son. And I think I am going to be disappointed when I stop.

I often think about when I take him to daycare, and the thought just kills me. He is going to go from being with mommy 24 hours of a day to being with a stranger for over 8 hours a day. It just doesn't seem right or fair.

Jaxson still doesn't like to nap during the day, and you have to almost force him to lay down and nap. I've never heard of a newborn doing this. It's amazing how he fights sleep, like he might miss something important.

Like I have said in previous posts, I can't believe how much I love him. He is my whole heart.

Things I've Learned.

Being a parent is the most rewarding and frustrating experience. And it can go from frustrating to rewarding in a matter of seconds.

Everything in your life changes in a blink of an eye. The things that were once important, don't mean anything, and you can't remember why you ever thought they were important in the first place.

That there is a new boss in the house. You are not boss, there is a little 2 foot person that rules everything in the household!

That I sometimes have no clue what he wants, and I don't always know what to do. But I know that I couldn't love him anymore that what I do.

That I will never write another blog in one sitting or even in one day! I don't have the time or energy.

That I want to continue to simplify my life, and I want to continue to get the unwanted drama out of my life. I want my son's life to be filled with love and calmness. Life is hard enough as is, he doesn't need any extra drama added into his life.

That I already miss him when I think about him going to daycare and it makes me cry.

That not all babies nap all the time or at all. I have one of the few babies that do not nap.

That the things I thought where must haves, I don't even use.

You can never have too many swaddle blankets or hands.

That breastfeeding takes up most of my time. But I really do enjoy our quiet time together.

I never thought I could love something or someone as much as I love him.

Birth Story ( a little late)

Let's hope I can remember all of this!

June 26th, I was convinced that I would go to the date I was scheduled to be induced. Husband and I went for a short walk that evening, and watched a movie. Got ready for bed around 11:00. Baby was very active with low punches, and I couldn't get comfortable in bed. I rolled from my back to by left side when all of a sudden, my water broke. And that is an understatement. I'm talking Niagara falls, gushing. (I thought that only happened in the movies) While I was in the bathroom waiting for my doctor to call me back and trying to control Niagara falls, Chris put the last minute items in the suitcase. I was extremely nervous and excited at the same time.
We got to the hospital at a little after midnight, checked in and was wheeled up to the maternity floor. From there everything goes into fast pace. We got to my suit, I went to the bathroom to change out of my clothes and into the hospital gown. No sooner then I get into the bed, my contractions started. The nurse checked me and said I was at 3 centimeters. I asked for an epidural and was told they like to wait a little longer.
An hour later, my contractions where camel backing and where right on top of each other. Some of them never completely went away and just rolled into another one. My contractions where longer then the rest period in between. The nurse came in to check me again, and I was at 5 centimeters, she gave me a shot to help me relax between the contractions. Which would have been great, if I would have time to actually relax! Soon after, I starting shaking. I mean whole body shaking like the chills, but non-stop. She said it was just my body's way of dealing with labor, and if I tried to fight it it would get worse. Everything after that just rolls into the next thing. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my epidural, which worked for 2 hours, and then I started to feel the contractions again. At the same time as this is happening, the nurse comes in because my blood pressure was dropping and she had to give me a shot to bring it back up. A few minutes after that, she came in and had me switch positions because the baby's heart rate was dropping. All the while I am pushing my button on the epidural and it still isn't working. I finally push the button for the nurse at 4:15 am, I knew it was time to push because I could feel pressure, however I didn't want to because I could feel every contraction and just wanted more drugs! She comes in and checks me and I am fully dilated and ready to go, there isn't time for anymore drugs. The doctor comes in and the pushing begins. I am not making any progress, the baby is posterior. We continue to push for 40 minutes and now the baby's heart rate is starting to drop with every push. (Plus, the baby had passed meconium, so every minute he was in there, increased the health risk to him) The doctor comes in and says that it is time to take me in for a c section for the health of the baby. I have no objections at this time. They rush me over to the OR and Chris changes into his scrubs. They give me another epidural, and start to perform the scratch test to make sure it is working. All is good until the get to the right side or my stomach. I can feel it. They wayt a few minutes, and try again. I can still feel it. And this time, they decide it is best to put me completely under. I am slightly frightened, but I just wanted to get everything over with at this point. The whole night has been a weird experience, and I almost feel like I am present for everything, but not actually going through it, even though the pain has been very real. Chris is not allowed in the room once they put me under and has to wait in the hall. Jaxson Xavier was born at 5:19 am, (with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck) while mommy was sleeping and daddy was in the hallway. Mommy finally got to meet her son at around 8:00 that morning.
Recovery has not been easy as well. The first day was extremely painful, I remember asking for more drugs as soon as I woke up. Before even asking for my son, I'm not sure at that point if I even remembered why I was there. The second day I was there, they made me get out of bed, which was horrible as well.
I am now approaching three weeks since the birth of my son, I am feeling really good.  Still limited in movement, and I get tired easily. And my stomach can be very tender or if I move to quickly, can feel like it is ripping.
But in the end, I have a very healthy and beautiful son. Who was so worth every once of pain. I love him with all of my heart, in fact he is my heart.

A note to my son

Dearest Son,

I know you are very happy just where you are, but you are truly missing out. If you were to come out, you would have so much more room!  You could stretch out, and move around. Also, it's not cold out anymore. It is about the same temperature as it is in my belly, so you really won't be cold. And I promise, I'll make daddy stop turning down the air.  You have a lot a cute clothes to wear, and if you stay in there you will be too big to wear them. Also, if you come out, you won't have to hear mommy say ouch a million times a day and night when you decide to kick my ribs or move when you are really low.
I know that you are really enjoying the ice cream that I feed you on a daily basis, but I'm afraid I am going to have to stop. It's spinach from now until you come out.
If you don't come out on your own, they are evicting you on the 1st.  So I really think it's better if you just decide today that you would like to meet everyone. (Plus, you are wasting mommies maternity leave in there.)

Love,
Your mom

39 weeks

This feels like an endless journey now. I really thought I would go this weekend. I even wake up in the night making up contractions, hoping that everything is a contraction. And nothing is. He has completely ran out of room in my belly and is taking up space anywhere he can find it. Which makes me the most uncomfortable. I feel like I am carrying a toddler in my belly. I dread bed time, because I can only sleep sitting up. And that is usually for 30 minutes at a time. To top all this off, my dog broke my toe yesterday. So I am hobbling around, which sucks.  I want to take a long walk to get him moving. I have laundry to do.

At this doctors appt this weekend, I am asking for a means to an end. (if you think about it, I have every right. 3 weeks ago and he was pushing 7 pounds, he could be 25 pounds at this point!)  If asking doesn't work, I am begging, threatening, at worst case, attaching myself to the bed and not leaving. He has to exit this week.

How far along are you? 39 Weeks


Total Weight gain/loss? Still 156 pounds. (which is up 28 pounds)

Stretch marks? Nope:)

Baby Movement? Small movements, he has nowhere to go. He favors my left side, and loves my ribs.

Best moment this week? Really, I think when you are down this far, there is no favorite moment. If my water was to break, that would be a favorite moment! But since I have to pick one, I would say receiving Sophie! Someone bought me (or actually him) Sophie and I love her!

Food Cravings? Sweets and fruit. I don't want regular food, just fruit or ice cream.

Milestones? 39 weeks.

Labor Progress? 1 centimeter, some cramping. But nothing else. Oh, and spicy food, pineapple, raspberry ice tea, and bumpy roads do NOT make you go into labor.
Weekly Wisdom? Stolen from the last question, nothing is going to make you go into labor unless your body is ready.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that maybe the doctor will hear my pleads this week and work some voodoo magic.

Labor fear?

I get that question a lot. Are you scared. No, not really. I mean, if I sit down and obsess about the details, then yeah, I get a little freaked out. Who wouldn't? But in my head I am more then prepared.

Here is how I try to explain it. I choose to have elective surgery a few years ago, some thought I was nuts. But it was something that I always wanted to do. So the cost, the pain and the process didn't make me hesitate for a second.

This is also something I wanted to a long time. So the pain, the cost and the process isn't going to scare me. I'm actually very anxious. And trying to keep busy lately just isn't helping.

Today my husband works, so I have to try to keep busy on my own. Not easy when you have been up since 6:30. But I have a schedule in my head of things to do, and I think I will include a nap in there!