My beautiful napping baby

It's a first. He is napping, and power napping at that. He has been asleep for over 3 hours, I was going to wake him at the 2 hour mark, but then I remembered. . ."NEVER wake a sleeping baby." However, I will wake him after 4 hours, I want him to eat and be able to sleep tonight.
I should probably be sleeping as well. But instead I cleaned, folded laundry, and checked e-mail. I am tired, but are very loud dishwasher is running and I am scared I won't hear him if he wakes. (which is impossible, if you know my son, but still)
We had another doctors appt. the other day, he is now at 9 lbs, 10 oz. Such a big boy! Sleeping at night is getting better, and some days it seems like we are in a better routine, others not so much. It gets hard on the days that my husband works 2 jobs and leaves before he is up and doesn't come home until the whole family is sleeping. Those are long days. I usually try to take Jax somewhere and go visit to break it up. It really makes me respect single mothers on those days that don't have any help, because I feel like a single mother on those days. The days that you don't get out and it's just you and the baby are very long days. Even more so when the baby doesn't sleep. There is only so much you can do with a one month old who isn't sleeping. It's not like he can play, although I try. We go from playmat to pack n play to swing to bouncer. I sing and rock him, read books to him that he has no interest in, walk him around the house and porch, and then start all over again.
It's amazing what having a child can do to your emotions as well. I've never been much of a cryer. I've had my breakdowns, but I usually hardly ever cried. Now, I can just look at my son and cry. I think of the future or the past, and cry. And not for any reason other then I love him so much.

Can't Sleep

It sucks when your baby is sleeping good and you can't sleep. My mind is just racing tonight, and then I make it worse by reminding myself if I don't get to sleep soon, how rough of a day I am going to have. Oh, well, nothing I can do about it now.

Not sure how much longer I am going to keep blogging, I'm obviously having a tough time keeping up as is. And I'm not sure what to write about or what importance it has anymore.

Jaxson is doing well, and it seems like everyone is finally adjusting. I have to say while breastfeeding is sometimes hard and makes me feel like I am tied down, I really enjoy that time I have with my son. And I think I am going to be disappointed when I stop.

I often think about when I take him to daycare, and the thought just kills me. He is going to go from being with mommy 24 hours of a day to being with a stranger for over 8 hours a day. It just doesn't seem right or fair.

Jaxson still doesn't like to nap during the day, and you have to almost force him to lay down and nap. I've never heard of a newborn doing this. It's amazing how he fights sleep, like he might miss something important.

Like I have said in previous posts, I can't believe how much I love him. He is my whole heart.