So, I just got done with the first cycle that I charted. And what a disappointment. I did not ovulate, so obviously, there is no baby. It seemed like my body tried twice to ovulate, but I probably have cysts instead. It sucks and makes me feel defeated. The worst part is, there is nothing I can do about it at this point. I read the books, and I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Although, my life style has never been that unhealthy. I am pretty active, I am not overweight, non-smoker. . .what gives??!! I can’t wait until July 16th when I can call my doctor and make an appointment to get this show on the road.
I read a blog this morning, that basically brought me to tears. And not the good kind, the jealous kind. She found out she was pregnant. Oh, yay for you! She wasn’t even really trying, must be nice to be like that. Just to decide, hey, I want kids. And then get one.
Oh and for everyone that says you must be stressed out. Yes, I sure am. Wouldn’t you be?
I hate this. I hate joking on the outside about it to make others feel better about my “condition”. I hate that I told my parents and in turn, they told their parents who probably told aunts and uncles and so on. I hate that Chris told his mom, and then afterwards she made a rude comment about fertility drugs in front of me. It’s not any of their business. I don’t want your sad looks, or your stupid heartless apologies. I hate that reading TCOYF made me realize that I used to O and now I don’t. What happened? Why did this just come about? Why did I have to find out when I was 30? I hate having sex when I am tired or not in the mood, but we do it, because we don’t want to lose out on missing that one day that I might be fertile. I feel I lost valuable time. I hate that so many people who should NEVER have kids have them. And they don’t even care. I would make a wonderful mom. I hate that women in Hollywood adopt 5 kids, but a normal person has to wait years to adopt. It doesn’t make sense, there are all these kids that need homes. And millions of people want to give them one, why is it so hard?
The word bitter is starting to take on a whole new meaning for me.
I read a blog this morning, that basically brought me to tears. And not the good kind, the jealous kind. She found out she was pregnant. Oh, yay for you! She wasn’t even really trying, must be nice to be like that. Just to decide, hey, I want kids. And then get one.
Oh and for everyone that says you must be stressed out. Yes, I sure am. Wouldn’t you be?
I hate this. I hate joking on the outside about it to make others feel better about my “condition”. I hate that I told my parents and in turn, they told their parents who probably told aunts and uncles and so on. I hate that Chris told his mom, and then afterwards she made a rude comment about fertility drugs in front of me. It’s not any of their business. I don’t want your sad looks, or your stupid heartless apologies. I hate that reading TCOYF made me realize that I used to O and now I don’t. What happened? Why did this just come about? Why did I have to find out when I was 30? I hate having sex when I am tired or not in the mood, but we do it, because we don’t want to lose out on missing that one day that I might be fertile. I feel I lost valuable time. I hate that so many people who should NEVER have kids have them. And they don’t even care. I would make a wonderful mom. I hate that women in Hollywood adopt 5 kids, but a normal person has to wait years to adopt. It doesn’t make sense, there are all these kids that need homes. And millions of people want to give them one, why is it so hard?
The word bitter is starting to take on a whole new meaning for me.
All we can do is wait and hope that some day it changes as strangely as it arrived. I can't imagine what this does to you inside or even begin to know where to start. But no matter what i love you and we will get through this.
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