Morning Sickness??

Really? At 4 weeks? You've got to be kidding me. Yesterday, ALL day, I felt sick. No vomiting, but I felt like it was right around the corner. This morning, dry heaves in the morning, and ALL day I felt sick. So I guess I technically don't have morning sickness, I have All Day sickness.Off to take a nap, while I want for hubby. We are suppose to go to dinner, hope I make it through that.

I still get sad. . .

When I think how far along I should be with my first pregnancy. I would have been into my second trimester now. It just makes me sad. And I know I shouldn't, I should be happy that I am pregnant again and focus on this one. And most of the time I do. But I just happen to see, that someone I know has the same due date that I would have had. And it hurts a little.

Stick Baby Stick. I can't lose you.

Another BFP.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited. But very cautious at the same time. I tell myself everyday "Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby." But I am nervous to get overly excited. Nervous to be happy, to talk to my baby, to share the news. I know that being this nervous won't help me, and I am trying to take it easy and not overthink things. I am still doing the same things, I haven't changed my daily routine. I am still working out, but making sure I keep my heart rate down. I am still taking yoga.

My first doctors appointment will be on Nov. 16th. I will be 6 weeks. Please let me make it that far. Everyday that I am still pregnant, feels like a prize. But at the same time, every pain or cramp sends fear through my body.

But I'll say it again, Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. Stick baby stick, mommy and daddy want to hold you.

Things Aren't Always Butterflies and Roses

Let me just say, work sucks. Well, at least lately. I've just been so freakin' busy. And I feel like I am a babysitter to about 40 grown adults. Seriously, do you need to bug me for everything. No, I can't scratch your ass for you today, you will have to reach it yourself.

I just feel like I can't catch a break with anything. I did have a nice weekend. We went "camping", and did some good hiking and my biggest concern all weekend was making sure the campfire didn't go out! If only every day could be like that!

I am currently in my 2ww. And I don't feel like I have any hope for this cycle. Even though we BD'd a lot around that time, it just doesn't feel like it is going to work this cycle. I always hear how people analyze every little thing during those 2 weeks. However, I feel nothing. I didn't last time either. Who knows. Plus, my chart was really weird this cycle, instead of a sharp increase in temps, it is a very slow climb. And it didn't really spike that much. In the high 97's.

I am going to skip Yoga tonight and make some Pumpkin cupcakes. Hopefully, they will turn out good and turn my mood around.

I'm 30, and all I want is a baby. Who knew it would be so hard.

Obsessed

I’m obsessed. Completely and totally obsessed with getting pregnant and my m/c. It has taken over all aspects of my life. I hate being like this, but I’m not sure how to stop it. I am always calculating in my head how far along I should be, or what I would be doing this week. Would I be telling my parents, or work. Would I be showing? It makes me sick. It makes me stressed. I feel like I am walking on a tight rope and barely staying on.
I’m obsessed with getting pg again. In fact everything points to me ovulating this week, but my cm is not the best. And I still don’t have crosshairs. Please, please let me ovulate this week. I’m going to do things differently this time, not sure what, but I swear I am going to make the most of it this time.

Other then the baby making/issues, my husband and I just celebrated our first anniversary. We had a great weekend together. But I couldn’t help to notice that something was missing. . .

This guy is my hero.

http://www.planetgordon.com/archives/000734.html

Happy It's Fall

Normally, you would never hear me say that. I love summer, I hate cold weather. But I am just ready for a change. This summer didn't bring me any good new. . . so maybe the fall will. All I know is I am ready.
Also, sorry I haven't posted it awhile. I have just been kind of inside of my head. One day I feel sad, the next I am okay. The sadness can come from anywhere, and it can come out of nowhere. So I have just been trying to keep myself busy.
I think I am ready to try again. However, my body is not there yet. It is the waiting game for AF to show again, and then charting all over again.
I've been trying to simplify my life as well, the meanless and pointless friendships I have had, I have decided to just let them fall by the wayside. I need people in my life at this point that support me. I have canceled my facebook profile for the time being, I can't deal with the pregnancy annoucements (especially the ones who, opps! it just happened). I need to focus on me, for the first time in my life, everyone else must take the backburner. I know I need to focus on myself and my feelings.

I will try to write more often. . .promise. :)